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Having a perfect partner isn't always an indication of forever

Funny. Honest. Smart. Charismatic. Motivated. Patient. Caring. Attentive. Passionate. Hardworking. Strong. Appreciative. Thoughtful. Sensitive. Family oriented. Good career. Financially stable. Affectionate. Loyal. Good looking.

We all have certain qualities we would include on our checklist for the "perfect mate." You are perfectly human if, on a first date, you have already started searching for those qualities and checking them off. You might even be one of the lucky ones, having found a person who meets all of your criteria.

Does that mean a marriage is destined to last?

Why people break up with a perfect partner

A perfect match on paper or according to a "dating expert" is not an indicator that a marriage will last forever. Divorce is rarely about a person who is right and one who is wrong. It is not about the good spouse versus the bad spouse. A divorce often involves two good people who were simply a bad match for one another.

What are a few signs that a partner is good, but not good for you? Here are a few signs, and a few real life examples.

  • You find yourself wanting to change the other: A 26-year-old women could see the end coming when she realized that her partner wouldn't be social enough. She didn't want to spend the rest of her life resenting him because he would rather stay home than go out.
  • You don't feel the physical passion: You shouldn't judge a book by its cover, but a marriage without physical intimacy is a friendship. It was something a 35-year-old woman learned after seven years of marriage.
  • You feel inadequate: Sometimes being with a person you've put on a pedestal can make you feel like you are the one who isn't good enough. A 38-year-old woman felt like she couldn't live up to her "perfect, professional, organized, successful and social" spouse.
  • Your partner is too perfect: A 40-year-old woman shared a story about how her spouse was so perfect on paper, that he did everything right, but that making the expected decision could be boring. She was looking for a bigger sense of adventure.
  • You want your partner to be happy: A 27-year-old woman broke up with her partner when he was offered an amazing job promotion on the other side of the country. She couldn't go, and she knew he couldn't stay. She also knew that worrying about a long-term relationship would make it difficult to succeed.

When fights are a daily occurrence, one spouse cheats on the other or abuse is an issue, the decision to divorce might be a clearer option. What if almost everything is great, but you are not exactly happy. What then? Answering the divorce decision is arguably harder under these circumstances.

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